gay- is there a way?

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gay- is there a way?

Post by dmdam0905 »

I am a Teacher with a Lifetime Certification in Secondary Education certified to teach History, Political Science and Sociology in grades 7-12. In addition, I hold a lifetime Middle School Endorsement, a specializiation in Middle School which allows for me to teach grades five and six in a Middle School. (All grade listings refer to the US curriculum)

I have to try to reach my international teaching position goal, but not if there is just no possibility anywhere...working toward my PhD is another goal. We are both 39 and in good health. Be as brutally or wonderfully honest as possible.
Last edited by dmdam0905 on Sun Jan 18, 2009 12:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.

E.B. White
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Location: International School, South America


Post by E.B. White »

At our last school, there was a gay couple - an international-hire teacher and local-hire staff member - never a problem that I am aware of; this was in South America. While interviewing in February, we met gay couples, and know that with some schools in Europe there would be no problem. Good luck - I believe there will be a school for you.

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Getting hired

Post by JISAlum »

Your post leads me to believe your partner will not be teaching? If so, I'd say that might be a hurdle that might be harder to get over. Couples with a non-teaching partner sometimes have a hard time getting jobs as schools would rather bring over two people who are going to teach.

Also, why do you think SE Asia is a significant problem. When teaching in Singapore we had a few teachers/admins who everyone knew were gay. There was also a gay community in Singapore (though not openly)- though I read that's not important to you. We had a few couples who were living together, although I'm not sure if they were hired as a couple.

Why not try contacting schools directly? Be upfront with the situation. I'd be expressly clear that your partner does not need a job, nor expects benefits. That might alleviate the concern from the school's perspective. Also, does your partner bring any non-teaching skills that might benefit the school? That might be a selling point.

I'd argue that many int'l schools are very progressive in this manner. You just have to find them..

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Yr query

Post by steventon »


I think that explaining everything at an interview risks your appointment, as you really have no way of knowing whether the interviewer will accept your situation or not. I would apply etc as a single person - which you are on paper anyway...then, once you are appointed, have your partner come with you on a tourist visa. Then, once you get to know everyone at your school and become more aware of the culture of the country you move to, you can judge for yourself how much to tell about your relationship. I think at an interview, it is too soon...

Also, why should you be telling your prospective employer about such personal stuff? Wait until you know everyone much better first!

Good luck!

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Post by dmdam0905 »

Hello and thank you so very much. I meant Southwest Asia...I was so conscious about making sure I didn't refer to the Middle East...

I think I need to at least go to one fair, but before I do so I will try to set up interviews before arrival.I had already decided that I would contact schools on my own. Thank you very much for giving me different ways to deal with the issue. Any more thoughts or experiences would be most welcome. If I don't leave now I will be late for getting there early. :)

Take good care

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Post by ichiro »

Last edited by ichiro on Sat May 05, 2012 9:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Post by theone »

Europe is the place for you if you want to be upfront. Marriage probably doesn't matter, because if a country is progressive enough to recognize gay marriage, it's probably also progressive enough to recognize relationships without that piece of paper. In many places, such as Switzerland, the school will probably pay visa and transportation costs for your nonteaching spouse.

If you want to go to Asia or South America, the tourist visa route is probably the better one to take, then assess the situation when you get there. Just try to get a sense of whether or not you are permitted to have anyone of your choice in your accommodation--if you are not living on campus, that should generally be no problem.

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same-sex spouse

Post by johnwest »

Some schools place single teachers together in one house or apartment. It could be awkward when you arrive if the school that hires you does not know you have a partner, and have assigned you to share an apartment with "another" single teacher.

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Post by dmdam0905 »

Thanks. I knew about the shared apartments and that was part of the impetus for my original post. And thank you for the perspective around the idea of stating ones sexuality could seem aggressive or politically, is so difficult. Here people are forced to negotiate around the issue all the time...I believe that right now, somewhere there is a place that will hire me on the basis of my knowledge and skills and not force me to live a lie. Can anyone tell me anything about how and where apartment sharing is most common? Do the schools own housing? Are there some places where you would have to live in a dormitory with the students? When in the process does the housing situation become available? Is it part of the package/benefits whatever the right term is? I am trying to figure out how to make my short list, and the issue of housing should not be the biggest criteria. Any thoughts or experiences on the subject. Surely there are other gay teachers out there who can give me some intel. or someone must know someone who is and might be kind enough to put me in (confidential) touch with them? In any event I am interested in preventing any roadblocks in the process. I am practicing answering interview questions, but there is always this part of me that thinks I will be taken off guard and blow the whole thing because I am so busy worrying about pronouns and filtering every sentence. Many thank you's to all who have been kind enough to answer my little question sent out to the whole gigantic www universe. Remarkable. Sometimes I am still in awe of ...kind of a modern day Of all the places in all the world...thanks again

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Abu Dhabi

Post by ina »

I was at the ISS fair in Bangkok and met a gay couple. A school in Abu Dhabi hired them. The school didn't seem to have a problem. And they did tell them that they were gay and that they were a couple.

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Post by kimbop »

It really depends on the school, country, and culture. There was a "married" Lesbian couple at the school I taught at in Egypt. They had interviewed separately, knowing that the school required singles to share apartments, but only one was offered the job. She told us that she told the director that she could only accept the position if her "life partner" was hired as well. She was. And everyone knew they were a couple. Also, in Egypt (maybe in the Mid East in general?) It is the norm to see men holding hands with men and women holding hands with women in public, so noone would think that was unusual. On the other hand, straight couples can't touch each other in public there or that would be scandalous! I hope that helps. :D

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Thanks for posting

Post by Candycane »

I have been stalking this site for a long time now, but never felt compelled to sign up until I saw your post. I just wanted to chime in since I am a lesbian as well.

I am currently back in the closet since I am single and at a new post. I also get the impression that it might make others uncomfortable. I think that some would be accepting, but I also realize that if they are not comfortable, I could be told to leave. It's just not a risk I want to take right now. I'm out to all of my family and friends elsewhere.

Given you have a partner, I think you might put a lot of stress on your relationship if you try to hide it. You will have enough stress just with relocating. I think it is basically going to be up to the director that interviews you to decide if "THEY" are comfortable with it.

On one hand, I think your best bet is to be upfront. Not by putting it in your letter of interest or anything like that. In fact, most recruiting agencies ask in their profiles if you will be travelling with a non-teaching spouse. If it's in your profile, the director will most likely ask about it. That would be a good time to tell them. And if they don't ask, offer the information.

If the director has a problem with it or thinks the community might, his refusal to hire you will have saved you from a very uncomfortable experience.

On the other hypocritical hand, I am currently in the closet here. UGH!

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one brave girl...

Post by dmdam0905 »

FINALLY!! I was just about to give up on the existence of any gay teacher brave enough to answer. As you can see I have been getting lots of encouraging and honest feedback, but I do so appreciate you signing up to respond. I have been trying to predict what kinds of problems might present themselves in our relationship. How old are you? We are in our late thirties and have been together for 6 and a half years.

Has anyone else been in the unenviable position of being forced back in the closet when moving to a new school? Has anyone been in a committed relationship and landed themselves in the position in which you had to ask your non teaching partner to go in the closet? Did your relationship survive the pressure? What exerts the most pressure being together but closeted or trying to nurture a long distance relationship? We do not let anything put our relationship in jeapordy? We have worked too hard to reach this place.

On the other hand, this is something I am going to do one way or another, and she is my biggest supporter...

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Hi again

Post by Candycane »

Hey dmdam0905

I am in my late thirties as well. I haven't been in the unenviable position of dragging somebody back into the closet with me LOL

I kind of knew I would be back in the closet again coming here. I think if I were in a relationship and bringing somebody with me, two in the closet might be desirable. Maybe it would only be a temporary thing?? Until you got a feel for the community??

I have really gone back and forth on my decision here. I wish I could Skype you or something and we could have a conversation about this. I am just unwilling to share my personal data on here and you can't send personal messages on here either. Any ideas?

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Location: Tokyo

Schools that recognize same-sex unions

Post by mjtokyo »

I am working with our faculty and personnel committees to look at recognizing legal same-sex unions in our policies.

Are there any schools that are offering spouse benefits to gay partners? If anyone has any examples, please feel free to email me at

I'd really love to have some examples of other schools who have addressed this issue when we take the proposal forward.

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