Well, I shouldn't say doesn't WANT to go. My husband is perfectly willing to live abroad, and my kids are too young to have a say in the matter, but my husband now says he doesn't want to teach (meaning he doesn't want to go back to school to get certified to teach). It's really frustrating for me, because I've got my heart set on living abroad again and exposing my boys to another culture. I had such a fantastic experience living in Japan ten years ago and yearn for those days living abroad again. Now it seems more and more unlikely. I was hoping my husband would get certified someday so we could be a teaching couple.
What do you do if you want to live abroad and just can't make it happen? Are there homestay programs abroad for families? For those of you with trailing spouses, what does your spouse do for work?
We have the financial means (for now) to travel abroad for a short vacation every year or two, so I am grateful for that, but it's just not the same as living overseas. :-(
What to do if your family doesn't want to go?
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kellysensei
- Posts: 71
- Joined: Tue Jul 17, 2012 6:04 pm
- Location: St. Paul, MN
Re: What to do if your family doesn't want to go?
Depends where you're heading. He can probably pick up some tutoring work in most countries, depending on his education. Plenty of people have non-teaching spouses - it's not often a deal breaker.
You also don't say what his current job is. Again, depending on where you are, he might be able to continue...
You also don't say what his current job is. Again, depending on where you are, he might be able to continue...
Re: What to do if your family doesn't want to go?
I faced this issue before and it is a serious one. First, know that if you have strong qualifications, you can get a job without having your husband to get a job too. It does, however, become harder the more dependents you have that will depend on your salary. So your husband does not have to teach or work in education. I recommend you ask your husband point-blank: does he want to go abroad or not? If not, then he will feel like he is sacrificing his needs for your needs and this could create problems in the future. If he is excited about it but just not teaching then you need to just stay realistic that this will limit your options but at least all will be happy if you get an offer that meets your family's needs. There are plenty of freelance/internet-based things he could do but if he feels like he is giving up too much by going then you have a shaky foundation from the start.
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kellysensei
- Posts: 71
- Joined: Tue Jul 17, 2012 6:04 pm
- Location: St. Paul, MN
Re: What to do if your family doesn't want to go?
My husband does want to go abroad; I think he's just not all that excited about teaching, and I obviously can't force him to do something he doesn't want to do (even though that would help our situation tremendously!). Trouble is, I don't think he knows what he wants to do, either. He's got a B.A. in Business and has a computer/technology background - but not computer programming or coding. He's currently a Project Manager at Reuters. (They've got an office in Tokyo but require Japanese language proficiency to be transferred there, which he does not have.) He doesn't like his current job and is eager to get away with me and our boys, but we're always stuck wondering what job he can do abroad. He's into photography, particularly plane and air-to-air photography, but there's no money in that. He seems interested in perhaps opening a Japanese-style cafe somewhere with coffee/tea and Japanese treats, but he'd need a partner and I don't know how that would work overseas.
Sigh.
Sigh.
Re: What to do if your family doesn't want to go?
Can he do Tech. Support for teachers, Tech. Integration work or maintain a website?
A colleague I worked with had her spouse with her and he was not a teacher. He usually had jobs as above and once he was a education assistant in her classroom.
A colleague I worked with had her spouse with her and he was not a teacher. He usually had jobs as above and once he was a education assistant in her classroom.
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kellysensei
- Posts: 71
- Joined: Tue Jul 17, 2012 6:04 pm
- Location: St. Paul, MN
Re: What to do if your family doesn't want to go?
Yes, he could definitely do all of those things. I think he'd love working at a school in that regard, especially if it involved taking photos for the web site, LOL.
How would I make it clear to schools that my husband could help out with tech support or web site development? Is there a space on applications for that info, or would I just include that in the cover letter?
How would I make it clear to schools that my husband could help out with tech support or web site development? Is there a space on applications for that info, or would I just include that in the cover letter?
Re: What to do if your family doesn't want to go?
It sounds like your husband might find a fit Ina school's communications or advancement department. We certainly have trailing spouses working in both
Response
Your husband is lying to you, because he doesn't want to go. Sorry, but can you blame him hes a tech guy and your asking him to do this other thing (and get certified in it) so that he can go somewhere and do something hes a noob at. Can you really blame him, your basically asking him to become a house husband in a foreign country. He cant make any money as a photographer.
Do you want to go back to Japan? Being a tech guy in Japan would not be an issue, there are lots of tech jobs in Japan, the issue is going to be getting a school to hire a single teacher with a trailing spouse and dependents. I know there was a recent post of it happening at the UNI fair, but that was the Willi Wonka Golden Ticket award, it just doesnt otherwise happen. You can basically do 1:1 without a problem, 2:1 is harder, more than that and its not marketable. He could open a cafe, but hed need a partner and a lot of starting capital. Most Japanese partnerships the JP partner brings the connects, and the foreign partner brings the money and the business plan.
Spouses that dont work for a school, usually either have their own business or they work under the table tutoring or they teach ESOL.
The simple solution is forget about the teacher certification, spend a year and learn Japanese then apply for a transfer. This assumes he really does want to go, because honestly it sounds like your the one with the Japanese Dream and he just doesent want too upset you that your dream isnt his dream.
Do you want to go back to Japan? Being a tech guy in Japan would not be an issue, there are lots of tech jobs in Japan, the issue is going to be getting a school to hire a single teacher with a trailing spouse and dependents. I know there was a recent post of it happening at the UNI fair, but that was the Willi Wonka Golden Ticket award, it just doesnt otherwise happen. You can basically do 1:1 without a problem, 2:1 is harder, more than that and its not marketable. He could open a cafe, but hed need a partner and a lot of starting capital. Most Japanese partnerships the JP partner brings the connects, and the foreign partner brings the money and the business plan.
Spouses that dont work for a school, usually either have their own business or they work under the table tutoring or they teach ESOL.
The simple solution is forget about the teacher certification, spend a year and learn Japanese then apply for a transfer. This assumes he really does want to go, because honestly it sounds like your the one with the Japanese Dream and he just doesent want too upset you that your dream isnt his dream.
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kellysensei
- Posts: 71
- Joined: Tue Jul 17, 2012 6:04 pm
- Location: St. Paul, MN
Re: What to do if your family doesn't want to go?
Actually, he would love to be a "house husband," LOL.
I don't blame him for not wanting to get certified. I just wish he knew what he wanted to do, because he hates his current job.
I don't blame him for not wanting to get certified. I just wish he knew what he wanted to do, because he hates his current job.
Discussion
@kellysensei
No he doesnt, he just doesnt have an answer and doesnt want to tell you "hes got nothing". If he would love being a house husband why is he still a PM, quit, do the house husband thing, would take an hour tops (depending on commute).
Everyone hates their job thats why its called work and they pay you, if you paid them it would be called entertainment, and if you did it for free it would be called a hobby. Its more accurate to say that that their are aspect of our jobs that all of us hate, mature individuals balance the parts they love against the parts they hate and resolve the difference with outside factors. Even workaholics have parts of their work they dont like, the parts they love are just better and more.
No he doesnt, he just doesnt have an answer and doesnt want to tell you "hes got nothing". If he would love being a house husband why is he still a PM, quit, do the house husband thing, would take an hour tops (depending on commute).
Everyone hates their job thats why its called work and they pay you, if you paid them it would be called entertainment, and if you did it for free it would be called a hobby. Its more accurate to say that that their are aspect of our jobs that all of us hate, mature individuals balance the parts they love against the parts they hate and resolve the difference with outside factors. Even workaholics have parts of their work they dont like, the parts they love are just better and more.
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kellysensei
- Posts: 71
- Joined: Tue Jul 17, 2012 6:04 pm
- Location: St. Paul, MN
Re: What to do if your family doesn't want to go?
What would take an hour tops? I must be missing something.
We talked about moving overseas even before we got married. He had only a two-year Associate's degree when we met. After we had our first child, he made the decision to go back to school and complete his B.A. degree for the sole purpose of being able to work overseas (since most countries require a 4-year degree to get a visa). He hates homework, it was a stressful three years for both of us, and the degree wasn't necessary for his current job at all. He wouldn't have done it if he wasn't serious about going abroad someday. The time is just not quite right yet, and like I've said, we need to figure out what kind of work he could do abroad.
We talked about moving overseas even before we got married. He had only a two-year Associate's degree when we met. After we had our first child, he made the decision to go back to school and complete his B.A. degree for the sole purpose of being able to work overseas (since most countries require a 4-year degree to get a visa). He hates homework, it was a stressful three years for both of us, and the degree wasn't necessary for his current job at all. He wouldn't have done it if he wasn't serious about going abroad someday. The time is just not quite right yet, and like I've said, we need to figure out what kind of work he could do abroad.
Re: What to do if your family doesn't want to go?
I'm at an international school with a trailing husband and dependents. The school keeps asking my husband to join the team by getting on the supply roster or helping out with after-school clubs and extra-murals. There are a lot of non-teaching jobs that will open up to your husband IF he chooses to work, both at the school and in the community. (Mine opts not to work, as he has a lot of personal projects to devote time to and young children to tend).
Reply
@kellysensei
It would take an hour tops for him to become a house husband if he wanted too. Go in resign, pack file box of stuff, go to car drive home, put on apron. If thats what he'd love to do he should do that, because it doesnt sound like he loves what hes doing, and if you dont love being a teacher, hes not going to do the school to do a job he doesnt really want to do.
While hes figuring it out, language skills, doesnt matter what field (well outside teaching) but any technical career and field marketability is VASTLY improved by acquiring business level language proficiency in the host country.
@toteach
Supply teaching, relief teaching, ASPs, etc are all fine if you WANT to do the job, and are just waiting for the school or a school to give you an appointment, it solves nothing if you DONT want to do it, and really its just glorified child care.
It would take an hour tops for him to become a house husband if he wanted too. Go in resign, pack file box of stuff, go to car drive home, put on apron. If thats what he'd love to do he should do that, because it doesnt sound like he loves what hes doing, and if you dont love being a teacher, hes not going to do the school to do a job he doesnt really want to do.
While hes figuring it out, language skills, doesnt matter what field (well outside teaching) but any technical career and field marketability is VASTLY improved by acquiring business level language proficiency in the host country.
@toteach
Supply teaching, relief teaching, ASPs, etc are all fine if you WANT to do the job, and are just waiting for the school or a school to give you an appointment, it solves nothing if you DONT want to do it, and really its just glorified child care.
Re: What to do if your family doesn't want to go?
@kellysensei,
Maybe I am not in the same boat as you per se, but I do have a spouse who is not a teacher. I've always had the dream of teaching overseas, but this has been MY dream, not my husband's. It took me over 3 years to convince him to move abroad with me, and we've been saving up just so he wouldn't have to work right away while overseas. To me, being able to teach internationally is wonderful enough... I would never ever ask my husband to go back to school and become a certified teacher because that's not what he wants to do with his life. My husband has made it very clear from the get-go that he wouldn't mind living abroad, but he was not the least bit interested in teaching. Maybe your situation is a little different because you have kids... But in any relationship, I just don't know if it's wise to push your dream onto somebody else. If your husband does end up teaching, it should be done because he genuinely wants to do so.
We all know that teaching is a special profession. It wouldn't be good for your husband or his future students if they had to be taught by someone who doesn't even have passion for what he does. I'm just saying.
With that said, you will find a position in Japan or elsewhere if you are truly competent in what you do! I thought I would never ever secure a position at an international school (having no international school experience with a non-teaching spouse), but I was bombarded with offers even before the job fair. I'm telling you that it is possible. Just believe in yourself and continue to work on your craft. You'll find the right fit for you and your family.
Maybe I am not in the same boat as you per se, but I do have a spouse who is not a teacher. I've always had the dream of teaching overseas, but this has been MY dream, not my husband's. It took me over 3 years to convince him to move abroad with me, and we've been saving up just so he wouldn't have to work right away while overseas. To me, being able to teach internationally is wonderful enough... I would never ever ask my husband to go back to school and become a certified teacher because that's not what he wants to do with his life. My husband has made it very clear from the get-go that he wouldn't mind living abroad, but he was not the least bit interested in teaching. Maybe your situation is a little different because you have kids... But in any relationship, I just don't know if it's wise to push your dream onto somebody else. If your husband does end up teaching, it should be done because he genuinely wants to do so.
We all know that teaching is a special profession. It wouldn't be good for your husband or his future students if they had to be taught by someone who doesn't even have passion for what he does. I'm just saying.
With that said, you will find a position in Japan or elsewhere if you are truly competent in what you do! I thought I would never ever secure a position at an international school (having no international school experience with a non-teaching spouse), but I was bombarded with offers even before the job fair. I'm telling you that it is possible. Just believe in yourself and continue to work on your craft. You'll find the right fit for you and your family.