We have a great chance to go to the Netherlands yet I am so scared to leave the security of home and my husbands great job.
I am trying to clean the house and list things for sale, yet it is so hard.
Is this fear normal?
Paralyzed by fear
Thanks, Is this going to get better or worse as time goes by and we get closer to the date?
I am not sleeping so well and worry about our house, security, movers, all the crap that goes on with this.
Truly the fear is something that is my constant companion and I need to get a new friend and send the fear packing.
I am not sleeping so well and worry about our house, security, movers, all the crap that goes on with this.
Truly the fear is something that is my constant companion and I need to get a new friend and send the fear packing.
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wrldtrvlr123
- Posts: 1173
- Joined: Sat Feb 06, 2010 10:59 am
- Location: Japan
Re: Paralyzed by fear
[quote="WyGal"]We have a great chance to go to the Netherlands yet I am so scared to leave the security of home and my husbands great job.
I am trying to clean the house and list things for sale, yet it is so hard.
Is this fear normal?[/quote]
Hi. Some cold feet and second guessing is certainly normal. Your use of the phrase, paralyzed by fear, is a bit concerning.
We sold everything when we took our first jobs in Egypt and were completely excited about the move. We also took a trip through Europe on the way and didn't get nervous until the day or two before we were actually flying into Cairo. Our first couple of days there we were kind of numb and wondering wtf we had done, but that quickly passed.
So, some of what you are feeling is completely natural. I would say that if you are also feeling at least some excitement about the new adventure, then you need to talk it out with your husband and address some of those fears. On the upside, you are headed to the Netherlands, not a 3rd world country.
I am trying to clean the house and list things for sale, yet it is so hard.
Is this fear normal?[/quote]
Hi. Some cold feet and second guessing is certainly normal. Your use of the phrase, paralyzed by fear, is a bit concerning.
We sold everything when we took our first jobs in Egypt and were completely excited about the move. We also took a trip through Europe on the way and didn't get nervous until the day or two before we were actually flying into Cairo. Our first couple of days there we were kind of numb and wondering wtf we had done, but that quickly passed.
So, some of what you are feeling is completely natural. I would say that if you are also feeling at least some excitement about the new adventure, then you need to talk it out with your husband and address some of those fears. On the upside, you are headed to the Netherlands, not a 3rd world country.
Sorry
Worse, actually. As you get closer you keep obsessing about where the point of no return is. Right now you have a little fail safe in your brain that tells you "its not to late to back out". As things happen like you sell stuff, and resign from jobs, etc. Your going to become paralyzed with fear that your making a mistake, you dont know where the point of no return is. You will ask yourself "why would we leave a perfectly good job, and community and family, and friends, our family doctor and dentist, the girl who does my hair, our church, that we have to go somewhere we dont understand the language, and we dont know anyone. What if the kids get sick, what if the job turns out worse then it is. What if, What if, What if" (By the way have you checked out the taxes yet, they are really high here?)
Sorry, in my experience the fears get worse not better. Wish i could have been more positive, but as your packing up your life, your going to feel like your leaving A LOT of it behind.
Sorry, in my experience the fears get worse not better. Wish i could have been more positive, but as your packing up your life, your going to feel like your leaving A LOT of it behind.
Fear is normal and if this is your first time moving abroad to be expected. If you are normally fearful of things I would highly recommend not - or spending too much time on forums like this one. You are going to get a ton of 'advice' from people who live/experience things differently from you. All I can say is that I too was scared before going abroad, but so glad I did. I found that a lot of my anxiety about other things in my life eased by mixing things up and living in a different place. I can't say this will happen to you, but I can advise you to try and not over think it. The Netherlands is a great country and not a hardship post by any means. You may even find you never want to go back! Go with an open mind and spend a little time trying to be more present...there is a famous saying (can't remember who off the top of my head, but I think of it sometimes when I get fearful) 'A life lived in fear, is a life half lived.' it's all about what you make of it and the sooner you can move beyond being 'paralyzed' the better. If you can't get yourself out of this funk then don't go. You'll be non the wiser.
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Crgallen22
- Posts: 74
- Joined: Fri Jan 01, 2010 10:43 am
I can relate to your post. I only had feelings of excitement when I accepted my job in Russia. Then, about a week before I left the States, I started experiencing extreme anxiety and could not sleep at night. I had never experienced anything like it. However, once I arrived in Russia I loved it and just signed on for a third year. Good luck in the Netherlands! I think you will love it!
This forum is good because I would not know if this is normal or not. Glad to know others have had anxiety.
The hardest was last week when I sold the first thing, fabric. Each piece has a story and I knew why I bought it and it meant something. Yes there were actual tears for the first time. Since then I have sold my snowmachine, a dryer, a gas grill, etc. I still have the big stuff, my truck, my Subaru, my kitchen.
Today as I was doing the first of many cleanings and throwing, I did feel a bit more peaceful. It is when I have too much time and let the fear in that it takes over.
When I met my husband, I introduced him to travel. It is just what I have done my entire life. It is even better with a person you love. We have been around but I have never seen the Netherlands. So fear of the unknown.
My husband says the Netherlands are painfully clean, windy and cold. But he said the sailing is going to be great and it is easy to get other places.
I am going to continue to go forward, be supportive, not be too crazy and keep selling off my treasures.
Thanks for letting me know this is all normal.
The hardest was last week when I sold the first thing, fabric. Each piece has a story and I knew why I bought it and it meant something. Yes there were actual tears for the first time. Since then I have sold my snowmachine, a dryer, a gas grill, etc. I still have the big stuff, my truck, my Subaru, my kitchen.
Today as I was doing the first of many cleanings and throwing, I did feel a bit more peaceful. It is when I have too much time and let the fear in that it takes over.
When I met my husband, I introduced him to travel. It is just what I have done my entire life. It is even better with a person you love. We have been around but I have never seen the Netherlands. So fear of the unknown.
My husband says the Netherlands are painfully clean, windy and cold. But he said the sailing is going to be great and it is easy to get other places.
I am going to continue to go forward, be supportive, not be too crazy and keep selling off my treasures.
Thanks for letting me know this is all normal.
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dreamgiver
- Posts: 82
- Joined: Sun Sep 25, 2011 11:00 am
I wouldn't say I'm even close to being paralyzed by fear, but I am freaking out just a tad. I'm waiting until I make a final decision and accept a contract before I start selling stuff! Not sure whether to accept a really good job (although not my 1st, 2nd or even 3rd choice) or hold out for the fair since I have a couple other irons in the fire. Of course I could end up getting nothing and kick myself for not accepting this job. I'm praying for peace and guidance for both of us!
Horrible thing
I know it might sound horrible but you could always take the job on the table, and if you get something better at the fair just withdrawal your acceptance on the first offer. You might be shocked or appalled but technically all you would owe at most (if Search pushed it) would be the $2500 fee to Search, and for the right job/right school/right location that wouldnt be to expensive. Yeah i know the whole "word is your bound" thing, but from a practical standpoint, you already have a new contract and offer so its not going to hurt your employment and all you really did was "resign a position before the first day of duty". Your not really leaving them in a bad position, its not like they wont be able to find someone else in the next 6 months. You wouldnt have to put it on your resume since you never worked at the first school and who would really find out. Even if you were cornered in a room with your back to the wall, and the big lights in your eyes, and they ask you if you did, just set your jaw, stare them straight in the eye, and say "yeah i did" then pause for a moment of silence, and smirk a little and say "this is business, smart people dont ignore their options"....
Seriously, if you were buying a car, and you had to go to the bank to get the check, and on the way you found the same car (make, model, year, trim) for less would you still keep going back to the first dealership? Who pays more when they dont have to???
Seriously, if you were buying a car, and you had to go to the bank to get the check, and on the way you found the same car (make, model, year, trim) for less would you still keep going back to the first dealership? Who pays more when they dont have to???
Nemeses
@Daisy
I was starting to miss my nemeses, is the other one lurking in the shadows there too? I really dont understand why you cant disagree with me without being insulting.
Back to the post, are you actually stating as a fact that you know with absolute certainly that no admin anywhere in the history of time has never done just that? I find it doubtful you can say that.
Seriously though, I did it myself this last year. I left Italy at the end of my first year breaking my two year contract. My old school was upset, but im sure they got over it and moved on, and my new school was well aware I was breaking contract.
Im not saying it happens everywhere and all the time, but its a big planet, and were all grown ups. People break contract for a variety of reasons, I think with maybe 1 exception, there has been at least one person whos "broken contract" at each school. One guy left, because his wife was miserably unhappy. One left because his kid was not adapting well. One left because the school couldnt provide adequate SPED services. One left here this year when they found out taxes were going to halve their salary...
Every time we refer to someone pulling a runner, were really talking about someone breaking contract, and which is better: A) breaking a contract with a backup plan, B) breaking a contract with NO options, C) breaking a contract for a BETTER offer??? Kind of a no brainer to me.
I was starting to miss my nemeses, is the other one lurking in the shadows there too? I really dont understand why you cant disagree with me without being insulting.
Back to the post, are you actually stating as a fact that you know with absolute certainly that no admin anywhere in the history of time has never done just that? I find it doubtful you can say that.
Seriously though, I did it myself this last year. I left Italy at the end of my first year breaking my two year contract. My old school was upset, but im sure they got over it and moved on, and my new school was well aware I was breaking contract.
Im not saying it happens everywhere and all the time, but its a big planet, and were all grown ups. People break contract for a variety of reasons, I think with maybe 1 exception, there has been at least one person whos "broken contract" at each school. One guy left, because his wife was miserably unhappy. One left because his kid was not adapting well. One left because the school couldnt provide adequate SPED services. One left here this year when they found out taxes were going to halve their salary...
Every time we refer to someone pulling a runner, were really talking about someone breaking contract, and which is better: A) breaking a contract with a backup plan, B) breaking a contract with NO options, C) breaking a contract for a BETTER offer??? Kind of a no brainer to me.
[quote="dreamgiver"]I wouldn't say I'm even close to being paralyzed by fear, but I am freaking out just a tad. I'm waiting until I make a final decision and accept a contract before I start selling stuff! Not sure whether to accept a really good job (although not my 1st, 2nd or even 3rd choice) or hold out for the fair since I have a couple other irons in the fire. Of course I could end up getting nothing and kick myself for not accepting this job. I'm praying for peace and guidance for both of us![/quote]
That is the hardest part for us, this is a solid job offer in the IT department which is not the same as teaching. The jobs are fewer and competition is tough. Netherlands is not our first choice, but it is Europe and is located very well for travel to other locations.
I will pray for you as it is such a hard decision.
That is the hardest part for us, this is a solid job offer in the IT department which is not the same as teaching. The jobs are fewer and competition is tough. Netherlands is not our first choice, but it is Europe and is located very well for travel to other locations.
I will pray for you as it is such a hard decision.
[quote="Overhere"]Wygal, just out of curiosity why are you getting rid of all your possessions? I can only imagine how traumatic that would be. Don't you plan on returning home?[/quote]
We were given a relocation allowance that was pitiful. I believe I can move our clothes and some toys to a friends APO with the allowance.
I have decades of treasures and we must rent out our house. So it is easier to liquidate and get revenue for a savings. We both are putting some furniture and items we can part with into storage.
It is very traumatic but also very cleansing. I really don't need a pile of cleaning rags under the sink. My desk is so nice and clean now. I hope to keep cleaning and selling.
We were given a relocation allowance that was pitiful. I believe I can move our clothes and some toys to a friends APO with the allowance.
I have decades of treasures and we must rent out our house. So it is easier to liquidate and get revenue for a savings. We both are putting some furniture and items we can part with into storage.
It is very traumatic but also very cleansing. I really don't need a pile of cleaning rags under the sink. My desk is so nice and clean now. I hope to keep cleaning and selling.