Advice involving moving children overseas
Advice involving moving children overseas
We have 2 children, ages 5 and 9. We have an interview this weekend and if offered a job, might take it. I am looking to hear about people's experiences, both good and bad, involving moving children to a new culture, school, housing situation, health care, etc. Our children right now enjoy the situation we are in, the school they go to, and we are afraid that we are making the wrong choice. Please give us advice and tell us about your experiences. Is going overseas good for their well being?
Uhm...
Well were are you going again (Country and City)?
In my experience, kids at that age actually tend to assimilate better then the adults do. Adults suffer more stress when their routine is disturbed because they have more control over their routine. Kids are use to their routines being changed and disturbed (grownups are always changing the rules). Your kids at that age will make new friends, decorate their new rooms until it feels like "theirs" again. They will get sick, and get better and you will worry more about it then they will (after all when theyre sick they get to stay home and play video games on Facebook).
The biggest problem ive seen (and I have no kids) with kids of new teachers with children, is food. If a child is going to have a problem with anything, is that they arent going to be able to have some kind of food available to them, or you wont be able to prepare it the way you did back home. Seriously, kids can tell the difference between "Coke" from home and "Coke" in a new country.
Postal Script: OK I actually left out a second issue that might upset them, and thats cell phones, but Im hoping at their age they dont have them yet.... I say that because our new teacher this week has a 13 year old daughter who just isnt happy at all without her iPhone.
In my experience, kids at that age actually tend to assimilate better then the adults do. Adults suffer more stress when their routine is disturbed because they have more control over their routine. Kids are use to their routines being changed and disturbed (grownups are always changing the rules). Your kids at that age will make new friends, decorate their new rooms until it feels like "theirs" again. They will get sick, and get better and you will worry more about it then they will (after all when theyre sick they get to stay home and play video games on Facebook).
The biggest problem ive seen (and I have no kids) with kids of new teachers with children, is food. If a child is going to have a problem with anything, is that they arent going to be able to have some kind of food available to them, or you wont be able to prepare it the way you did back home. Seriously, kids can tell the difference between "Coke" from home and "Coke" in a new country.
Postal Script: OK I actually left out a second issue that might upset them, and thats cell phones, but Im hoping at their age they dont have them yet.... I say that because our new teacher this week has a 13 year old daughter who just isnt happy at all without her iPhone.
I think it really depends on where you are going and on the personality of your kids. I’ll try to give you some basic observations I’ve seen in my years abroad. My son is younger than either of your two and has been abroad his entire life. I’ve seen a number of parents bring their kids aged 7-15ish abroad and some had great experiences and others had horrible experiences. I’ll list some areas of concern below:
Loss of home: Don’t fool yourself into thinking that this move will be all good for your children. You must understand that you are making a conscious decision to make your child not only maladjusted in the host culture you are moving to but also maladjusted to life in the US upon their return if you stay abroad for any period of time. I suggest you read up on this topic. A good place to start is “Third Culture Kidsâ€
Loss of home: Don’t fool yourself into thinking that this move will be all good for your children. You must understand that you are making a conscious decision to make your child not only maladjusted in the host culture you are moving to but also maladjusted to life in the US upon their return if you stay abroad for any period of time. I suggest you read up on this topic. A good place to start is “Third Culture Kidsâ€
Having taken my eldest to several countries since she was only 4 months and my second to only 2 countries, I have to agree with PsyGuy about food being the biggest issue. People seem to openly love and embrace kids all around the world. Especially in non-western cultures. I've also heard several expat parents express the same views as Danda. I guess one thing that's often overlooked in 3rd culture kids discussions is that not all kids of american international teachers are "white." Some are biracial and some have one parent who’s from another culture. So, with that being said, is it better to make the move while the kids are prek to elementary? That way they don't suffer academically and socially as much as a secondary kid? I also think that as parents we have to figure out what our long term commitments are. If staying overseas until your kids graduate high school is your goal, then it will be necessary to seek out schools with good academic rigor. That's especially important if you want your kids to attend a competitive college. If you only want to teach internationally on a temporary basis, It may be better to get them back home by 7th grade.
Kleikm, I think you are the former and I am the latter :). I also think it's normal for cold feet to set in now that leaving is becoming a reality.
Kleikm, I think you are the former and I am the latter :). I also think it's normal for cold feet to set in now that leaving is becoming a reality.
Thank you PsyGuy and Danda. PsyGuy we are considering Central Asia
and China so far.
When it comes to overseas career I am not nervous a bit about moving,
my only concern is the wellbeing of my children. Will they feel as if
we have destroyed their nest and now on the move? At this point we
are thinking of gaining international experience for a few years and
then trying to get jobs at the school where I would keep my children
all the way through High School to ensure quality education and
stability. I would love to work in Moscow, but so far no luck.
Danda, you mentioned medical situation in Kazakhstan and it is a concern.
I speak Russian, so I am sure it will make things so much easier in
Kazakhstan for us, right?
I am sure the feelings we are experiencing right now are common among
new teachers.
Thank you, hoping to hear more from you.
MMMC-thanks for being there:-)
and China so far.
When it comes to overseas career I am not nervous a bit about moving,
my only concern is the wellbeing of my children. Will they feel as if
we have destroyed their nest and now on the move? At this point we
are thinking of gaining international experience for a few years and
then trying to get jobs at the school where I would keep my children
all the way through High School to ensure quality education and
stability. I would love to work in Moscow, but so far no luck.
Danda, you mentioned medical situation in Kazakhstan and it is a concern.
I speak Russian, so I am sure it will make things so much easier in
Kazakhstan for us, right?
I am sure the feelings we are experiencing right now are common among
new teachers.
Thank you, hoping to hear more from you.
MMMC-thanks for being there:-)
As a TCK, an ex-int'l teacher, parent of a 10 &13 year old, and planning on attending a job fair in '13, all mentioned considerations are good. As I think of how I'm going to address my kid's concerns, I am also thinking about all of these things. My 13 year old daughter has already said she never wants to move.
However I also know that the tools, skills and lessons she'll get from going overseas will be invaluable. While she'll be unhappy at first, I want her to be able to adjust to any situation, and not have her happiness be determined by her living in one location. Being an adolescent brings many challenges, so my wife and I are ready as can be. We'll tolerate a level of unhappiness up to a point, but also intend on giving her the skills to succeed in an int'l setting.
However I also know that the tools, skills and lessons she'll get from going overseas will be invaluable. While she'll be unhappy at first, I want her to be able to adjust to any situation, and not have her happiness be determined by her living in one location. Being an adolescent brings many challenges, so my wife and I are ready as can be. We'll tolerate a level of unhappiness up to a point, but also intend on giving her the skills to succeed in an int'l setting.
JISAlum,
did you feel different in a negative kind of way when you returned to the states? Did your interaction with other kids contribute to those feelings or did you feel you missed out by not being raised in the states? For example, my kids only have 1 living set of grandparents and they are 80+. Of course we'll return home each summer, but, did you feel you missed out on bonding with your grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, etc...? Also, like Kleikm asked, did you resent your parents in any way?
These are really important questions because we all want what's best for our kids while we are living our dreams. In hindsight, what is something your parents could have done differently?
did you feel different in a negative kind of way when you returned to the states? Did your interaction with other kids contribute to those feelings or did you feel you missed out by not being raised in the states? For example, my kids only have 1 living set of grandparents and they are 80+. Of course we'll return home each summer, but, did you feel you missed out on bonding with your grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, etc...? Also, like Kleikm asked, did you resent your parents in any way?
These are really important questions because we all want what's best for our kids while we are living our dreams. In hindsight, what is something your parents could have done differently?
did you feel different in a negative kind of way when you returned to the states?
After spending 12 years growing up in SE Asia, in a superficial way I did feel different. I went to university in the midwest. If I were to do it over again, I'd go to school on one of the coasts- more diversity…. Having said that, I feel that I had an extraordinary advantage over my peers in some ways. My understanding of multi-cultural issues alone was invaluable. It opened many doors…. I was able to negotiate dealing with different cultures, and looked at dealing with the American culture as just another adjustment. One of my best friends in Jakarta lived in one of the worst slums, and he smiled every day. Kind of difficult to feel sorry for yourself when you remember that, and you're going to college.
Did your interaction with other kids contribute to those feelings or did you feel you missed out by not being raised in the states?
Not at all. As an example, my overseas school has a vibrant Facebook page with over 1000 members- I feel I'm part of a great 'club'. I have friends all over the world. I married an American, and in some ways feel she missed out. Hey- I traveled all over the world, my high school sports teams sent me all over SE Asia, I got a great education, I can be comfortable in some of the worst slums in the world, I can relate to almost anyone. And I can be happy almost anywhere in the world. And thats normal for a TCK.
For example, my kids only have 1 living set of grandparents and they are 80+. Of course we'll return home each summer, but, did you feel you missed out on bonding with your grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, etc...?
Growing up we'd go back to the US for homeleave. I'd spend 2-4 weeks with one of my Grandmothers. We became best friends, and I ended up spending more time with her than my US cousins. I miss her dearly, and know that had I not had homeleave, I wouldn't have spent the quality time I did with her, nor gotten as close.
Also, like Kleikm asked, did you resent your parents in any way?
No I did not. Looking back I realize their decision to move overseas from a small Wisconsin farm town took guts. I'm glad they did every single day. I ended up in college in the US, and my parents went to teach in the middle east. I think they felt guilty, but again, I don't measure closeness through physical proximity. In college I'd go over to Europe and meet them over break. I had advantages and opportunities that most middle-class teacher kids wouldn't have. I'm great friends with my parents, and they certainly found a way to be involved even though they were a world apart. And this was before the internet. Thank God...
These are really important questions because we all want what's best for our kids while we are living our dreams. In hindsight, what is something your parents could have done differently?
After spending 12 years growing up in SE Asia, in a superficial way I did feel different. I went to university in the midwest. If I were to do it over again, I'd go to school on one of the coasts- more diversity…. Having said that, I feel that I had an extraordinary advantage over my peers in some ways. My understanding of multi-cultural issues alone was invaluable. It opened many doors…. I was able to negotiate dealing with different cultures, and looked at dealing with the American culture as just another adjustment. One of my best friends in Jakarta lived in one of the worst slums, and he smiled every day. Kind of difficult to feel sorry for yourself when you remember that, and you're going to college.
Did your interaction with other kids contribute to those feelings or did you feel you missed out by not being raised in the states?
Not at all. As an example, my overseas school has a vibrant Facebook page with over 1000 members- I feel I'm part of a great 'club'. I have friends all over the world. I married an American, and in some ways feel she missed out. Hey- I traveled all over the world, my high school sports teams sent me all over SE Asia, I got a great education, I can be comfortable in some of the worst slums in the world, I can relate to almost anyone. And I can be happy almost anywhere in the world. And thats normal for a TCK.
For example, my kids only have 1 living set of grandparents and they are 80+. Of course we'll return home each summer, but, did you feel you missed out on bonding with your grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, etc...?
Growing up we'd go back to the US for homeleave. I'd spend 2-4 weeks with one of my Grandmothers. We became best friends, and I ended up spending more time with her than my US cousins. I miss her dearly, and know that had I not had homeleave, I wouldn't have spent the quality time I did with her, nor gotten as close.
Also, like Kleikm asked, did you resent your parents in any way?
No I did not. Looking back I realize their decision to move overseas from a small Wisconsin farm town took guts. I'm glad they did every single day. I ended up in college in the US, and my parents went to teach in the middle east. I think they felt guilty, but again, I don't measure closeness through physical proximity. In college I'd go over to Europe and meet them over break. I had advantages and opportunities that most middle-class teacher kids wouldn't have. I'm great friends with my parents, and they certainly found a way to be involved even though they were a world apart. And this was before the internet. Thank God...
These are really important questions because we all want what's best for our kids while we are living our dreams. In hindsight, what is something your parents could have done differently?
Last edited by JISAlum on Fri Jan 13, 2012 11:23 am, edited 1 time in total.
-
overseasvet2
- Posts: 191
- Joined: Wed Jun 08, 2011 10:50 pm
3rd Culture Kids
My folks went abroad when I was 5 and I returned to a very small midwest town in 8th grade. Was it hard to slide back in? Yes, my world view was just so different from the other kids. In the end, I had a good high school experience and made great friends.
I wouldn't trade my experiences for the world. Like others here, I had a closer relationship with my grandparents than my cousins who lived ony a couple of years away. My nuclear family is very tight - sometimes I don't know if it's because we were overseas or because when we were outside the USA there was little TV, movies or other distractions. We had to make our own fun.
My younger sister shared the same experiences and while she wouldn't trade it, she's very happy to live in an even smaller town in the midwest and cannot understand why I enjoy traveling so much. Different children take away different things and handle it in different ways. Set expectations for adventure and fun and keep talking as a family. It's a great think to do for kids!
I wouldn't trade my experiences for the world. Like others here, I had a closer relationship with my grandparents than my cousins who lived ony a couple of years away. My nuclear family is very tight - sometimes I don't know if it's because we were overseas or because when we were outside the USA there was little TV, movies or other distractions. We had to make our own fun.
My younger sister shared the same experiences and while she wouldn't trade it, she's very happy to live in an even smaller town in the midwest and cannot understand why I enjoy traveling so much. Different children take away different things and handle it in different ways. Set expectations for adventure and fun and keep talking as a family. It's a great think to do for kids!
Short
I spent my last two years of high school in Singapore at ACJC. It was very different then what life would have been like back in the states. We didnt have prom, and everyone was more concerned about studying for their A levels then anything else. I played tennis and swam, I excelled at English lit, and was behind most of my fellow students in mathematics. Id think I was a bit more protected, and sheltered. We were all pretty good kids.
Its a great experience for all, but not without its frustrations
Realize that you will feel your childrens' frustrations and pain and that can make your adjustment that much more difficult.
Maintain ties at home, we have found that buying a home has been really beneficial, we have somewhere to go back to in the summer
Make sure you check the school out carefully, not just from a working perspective but also from a "going to perspective", you don't want to put your kids in an awkward situation-see pt 2 above-we once picked a school based on the priorities of our kids and it worked out great for us
What is medical care going to be like where you are going
Give yourself plenty of time to get acclimated. The first month or so is really tough, especially as you are trying to get ready for school and your kids need to be entertained prior to school starting.
Depending on where you are going shop for presents ahead of time-for one particular school we were warned to bring Christmas and bday presents with us because there wasn't much available, and they were right
Have a wonderful family time!
Realize that you will feel your childrens' frustrations and pain and that can make your adjustment that much more difficult.
Maintain ties at home, we have found that buying a home has been really beneficial, we have somewhere to go back to in the summer
Make sure you check the school out carefully, not just from a working perspective but also from a "going to perspective", you don't want to put your kids in an awkward situation-see pt 2 above-we once picked a school based on the priorities of our kids and it worked out great for us
What is medical care going to be like where you are going
Give yourself plenty of time to get acclimated. The first month or so is really tough, especially as you are trying to get ready for school and your kids need to be entertained prior to school starting.
Depending on where you are going shop for presents ahead of time-for one particular school we were warned to bring Christmas and bday presents with us because there wasn't much available, and they were right
Have a wonderful family time!
You'll also find some useful information on the ISR Blog - Going International with Kids.
http://internationalschoolsreviewdiscus ... dren/#comm
http://internationalschoolsreviewdiscus ... dren/#comm
More specific
You might also want to google "expat life" and the name of the region/city your headed too. there are a lot of websites for expats that discuss children and parenting issues for just about every country.