The International Schools Review Forum

For those of you that have experienced your children moving off to university while you have stayed in a different country, potentially far away from where your children are going to school, what are your top tips to navigate this phase of life?

One thing that was really important was for our kids to have the opportunity to come back to their country they graduated from in that first year or so of college. Both of our kids (who had lived in their graduating country 5-7 years before graduating said that was super important to them and really helped with that transition to living full-time in the US. We encouraged them to connect initially with the international programs at their colleges--my youngest had not lived in the US since she was 3 so she had much more in common with international students than other "Minnesotans." We also changed our own travel schedules--we owned a house in the States and we began going "home" at Christmas instead of traveling abroad to give our kids more of a sense of a home base in the States. The first year was hard, but for us, these helped a lot.

So basically, we move mountains just to make them feel at home while we sit halfway across the world quietly crying into a timezone converter. Got it.

I don't feel like we "moved mountains." We were in a location where we had a long winter break so we could visit home and travel for ourselves. We already had a home in the States, so that made things easier. We absolutely did not "cry into our timezone converters." We felt more than able to support them from afar. Parents weekends, Thanksgiving--some of those things were a it harder but everyone survived just fine!

Our daughter started uni and then covid hit and hard borders were in place in both the country she was in and the one we worked in. Lots and lots of video calls, useless but entertaining WhatsApp’s to make her (and us) smile, and helping with how to move house, set up new accounts, proofreading essays, commiserating over relationship breakdowns etc had to be done over the phone.

She very quickly found a few local ‘families’ of her friends who took the international orphan as she was called, under their wing - Christmas at Grandparents house, long weekends with the family at some camp ground, birthday dinners out with them etc. I’d really encourage international kids to remember that they had an international family abroad so there’s no reason why this has to be different at ‘home’ when they go to uni. Extended chosen family members are essential!

From our perspective as empty nesters, keeping busy and doing things both together and apart was essential to building conversations that didn’t relate to ‘I wonder how she is?’ and just enjoying time as a couple again. We have moved twice since, and have a box that is always labeled ‘the child’s room’. When she visits she goes through the memory box and thins out, takes some away with her, and adds some new things to it. ‘Her room’ becomes hers for the visit because it always has the same pictures up on the wall and memory box under the bed. Regardless what house we live in, this gives her a constant feeling of belonging and of having space with us when she wants it.

Personally, we haven’t had any issues. We’re in Asia and our child is in Europe. Our oldest is in the military in our home country, so he’s settled as well. Fortunately, we have close family not far from our university child, so if necessary he’s got resources. Still have another with us yet to finish secondary. Not sure where they will land after graduation. I’m not stressed at all. We miss them, but after Covid, I think we’re just grateful they’re ok.

It hit me hard when my daughter left for university in another country. At first, I felt super disconnected, like I had no clue what was going on with her day to day. What helped us was setting weekly video call times that both of us stuck to, even when she got busy. Sending care packages with familiar snacks and little handwritten notes made a big difference too. Also, we designated one room in each place we've moved into as “her room,” even if she only visits twice a year. That helped give her consistency and something to look forward to.