Negotiating and Accepting an Offer with a Pregnant Wife

Post Reply
sara2020
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Jan 10, 2020 7:08 pm

Negotiating and Accepting an Offer with a Pregnant Wife

Post by sara2020 »

Hi all,

So my wife is pregnant and we are currently in the recruiting process with some schools most likely making offers in the next week. My question is when should I bring that my wife is pregnant with the schools? She is a non-working spouse.

We already have two kids and she is about 5 months pregnant. We are really only considering schools that have good packages for families, knowing that most schools will only cover 2 children and a dependent spouse. We are fine with only two kids receiving tuition and benefits but I am not sure how/when/ if to approach this topic with the schools.

The baby will not be born until after a contract is signed but she will be born while I am in the contract, so I do not really know what is the best approach to take here. I feel like there are both pros and cons to bringing it up very early in the interview process and only after an offer is made. I want to be as honest as I can about my situation with the school but there is always a chance some schools would pass on the interview altogether.

Also in the case of the new (third) child not receiving any benefits from the school, technically there is no adverse economic impact on the school and I would be able to honor my contract just the same.

I know there are a lot of questions here. Feel free to chime in if you think you can offer your thoughts.

Thanks!

Good Luck to all those job-hunting!

mamava
Posts: 289
Joined: Sat May 11, 2013 7:56 am

Re: Negotiating and Accepting an Offer with a Pregnant Wife

Post by mamava »

It's a tough question. For what it's worth--we were denied by 2 schools on a job search when we had 3 kids (one was going to be a senior) and we had stated we didn't need any benefits for him for that 1 year. Both schools said that their dependent policy (we are both teachers) meant just that--they would not consider families with more than 2 children, full stop. Considering you'd be showing up for your first day with a 3rd child in tow, you'd run the risk of violating your contract, starting a contract with your admin feeling like you mislead them, and the possibility that they'd not extend another contract to you, forcing a move after 2 years. It's not just tuition--it's health insurance (and those first couple years mean a lot of doctor visits), housing, flights, etc.

I would disclose your information, but in this case, I might wait until the offer actually hits the table. It wouldn't be too late for them to find another teacher if they said no to you--and by waiting, you know that they did want you, so you might have that in your pocket when you share your news. I would want to start off with a new school with a clean conscience. Good luck!

h1275
Posts: 18
Joined: Thu Jan 02, 2020 2:55 pm

Re: Negotiating and Accepting an Offer with a Pregnant Wife

Post by h1275 »

Don't say a word, your personal life is quite frankly none of their business.

Dismissing someone because they had a child is illegal in all civilised countries on the planet, and often even in some uncivilised ones too.

mysharona
Posts: 175
Joined: Thu Jan 13, 2011 1:25 am

Re: Negotiating and Accepting an Offer with a Pregnant Wife

Post by mysharona »

Just a thought, there are schools out there that are limited in the number of children teachers can have not by the school itself but by the country. We ran into that problem once.

Illiane_Blues
Posts: 247
Joined: Thu Dec 06, 2018 10:56 pm

Re: Negotiating and Accepting an Offer with a Pregnant Wife

Post by Illiane_Blues »

mamava wrote:
> I would disclose your information, but in this case, I might wait until the
> offer actually hits the table. It wouldn't be too late for them to find
> another teacher if they said no to you--and by waiting, you know that they
> did want you, so you might have that in your pocket when you share your
> news. I would want to start off with a new school with a clean conscience.
> Good luck!

Definitely disclose but I wouldn't wait until they give you a contract to sign since that might piss them off almost as much as disclosing it afterwards.
Personally I'd squeeze it in at the end of the second interview.

sid
Posts: 1156
Joined: Sat Dec 02, 2006 11:44 am

Re: Negotiating and Accepting an Offer with a Pregnant Wife

Post by sid »

For your own sake, you need to get it out there early on. You'll need medical insurance to cover the delivery and then the baby, and some school's policies will not cover within a certain time period of the start of the insurance policy.

sara2020
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Jan 10, 2020 7:08 pm

Re: Negotiating and Accepting an Offer with a Pregnant Wife

Post by sara2020 »

Thanks for the input so far.

One of the schools where I am waiting on an offer is listed on search as accepting three or more kids with a teaching couple where only one of whom works. But, I am also aware that having 3 kids could decrease my chances.

The baby will be born before we start the new position, so that is already taken care of. Then there is the issue of health care, which we would be fine paying the costs for as they will already be covering 4 of us, but I'm not sure if there are certain company guidelines they must follow which would make an agreement like that undoable.

Looks like my best option is to bring it up at the end of the 2nd interview or after they have made an offer. Some of the interviews have already been completed. For those, I will just have to bring it up after receiving the offer and see what happens.

Thanks for all the thoughts so far.

sara2020
Posts: 3
Joined: Fri Jan 10, 2020 7:08 pm

Re: Negotiating and Accepting an Offer with a Pregnant Wife

Post by sara2020 »

Well, luckily there is a happy ending.

The school did end up making an offer and when I brought up the situation they were supportive and offered advice and assistance.

Thanks to everyone who offered their advice and their thoughts.

Heliotrope
Posts: 812
Joined: Sun May 13, 2018 1:48 am

Re: Negotiating and Accepting an Offer with a Pregnant Wife

Post by Heliotrope »

Congrats!

PsyGuy
Posts: 9671
Joined: Wed Oct 12, 2011 9:51 am
Location: Northern Europe

Response

Post by PsyGuy »

Understand that the original LWs issue has resolved. However I differ from the previous contributors. It depends here you are going. If its anywhere western, its non of the ISs business and I wouldnt bring it up to them until its travel time or your already on the ground. The reason being they are far less likely to have any recourse. An IS that attempted to dismiss you for family size would be in so much trouble, it would all backfire on them. @Sids position is moot in such instances, youre likely going to be using the social insurance scheme and your covered from day one. If your looking at a region with less protections than its a gut call. An IT with a trailing spouse and three dependents would be a career killer, doing anything to reduce the travel ratio is advisable. If the IS though can later void the contract and dismiss you because of family size and you have little or no applicable protections than getting it out there in front of the IS depends on the structure of the OSH package and whether you can self sponsor dependent visas. If its all allowances and you can self sponsor, than dont disclose, if not its more to your advantage to disclose.

sid
Posts: 1156
Joined: Sat Dec 02, 2006 11:44 am

Re: Negotiating and Accepting an Offer with a Pregnant Wife

Post by sid »

Interesting. PG’s points are worth considering but he is incorrect in presenting this as a dichotomy, either protected or fired. In my experience it’s more nuanced than that.
First of all, firing is probably not on the table. Why would you be fired for having a baby? The real risk is not having medical coverage for the baby.
Second, my current country and many others do indeed offer national health care from day one. Of course the OP would have it. But he’d probably much prefer the private insurance that gets him better doctors, English speakers, and not having to wait in queue for six hours for every visit.
Third, the baby can’t even get to most countries without a residence visa. Many insurance companies also check residence for their policies.
Sneaking a baby in at the last minute is nothing but risk.

PsyGuy
Posts: 9671
Joined: Wed Oct 12, 2011 9:51 am
Location: Northern Europe

Reply

Post by PsyGuy »

@Sid

Those nuances only exist from your perceptions as leadership. Its not a dichotomy its a trichotomy, from the IT POV: 1) Leadership goes bonkers and dismisses the IT. 2) Leadership goes bonkers but holds it together, doesnt dismiss the IT but feels betrayed and deceived. 3) Leadership doesnt care and its not an issue.

Why would the IT be dismissed, the ISs leadership looked at candidates and did a CBA and with that kind of travel ratio it as probably in the margins that the IT got the appointment and adding an extra dependent may very well have pushed the IT out compared to another candidate. It creates a new housing issue and associated expense. The IS made their decision based on a scenario that isnt accurate anymore. The aforementioned leadership feels betrayed, deceived, etc.

Thats not really a risk. Family on their third child, they have been through everything if not once twice. If they felt comfortable enough traveling with the infant, there probably isnt anything to worry about.
Just what do you think the certain period of time is before medical coverage is effective? If its not day one its within 30 days at the most and if its longer than that then its not an IS you want to be at. Short of catastrophe whats the baby going to need, some antibiotics at most. Outside the US you can pay for a doctor visit and script out of pocket and it will be pocket change. Of course something catastrophic could happen but that could happen to anyone, making the baby issue irrelevant. Then theres always the social health care system, it might be inconvenient but again, how long do they have to wait for private insurance.
Thats your IS though, the IT could very ell be moving to a region with a really great top notch, efficient social health care system. Youre doom and gloom scenario is very situational. I agree it could b a problem, it could be a serious factor worthy of primary consideration, it could very well not be.

Yes it could on a tourist visa, but thats really beside the point, as I wrote it depends if the IT can self sponsor. If the visa application process is passports, an application, photos and a couple documents (invitation letter work permit, etc.) and thats all the IT needs for a trailing spouse and two dependents than thats all they need for three dependents. If the IT gets their visa and then can turn around and apply on their own using their visa to sponsor the family members than it doesnt matter how big the family is.

Seriously? Insurance companies send an investigator or agent to an expats residence to check the number of residents. Thats the same realm of bunk and fear mongering that the InterPol red notice for the fake references post is in. Lets just say its true and this happens with some degree of regularity that its an actual concern, so what. This isnt "The Fortress", no one (until you) have written anything about sneaking a baby anywhere. Theres no sneaking, sneaking implies that the IS or leadership have some right to know and the IT has some obligation to know about the ITs family composition. Just because your leadership and you think your entitled to know something doesnt man you actually are.

sid
Posts: 1156
Joined: Sat Dec 02, 2006 11:44 am

Re: Negotiating and Accepting an Offer with a Pregnant Wife

Post by sid »

I'll leave it here. Anyone else reading your jibberish is perfectly capable of deciphering for themselves the multiple holes in your theories.
Whatev

nathan61
Posts: 75
Joined: Tue Nov 05, 2013 11:08 pm

Re: Negotiating and Accepting an Offer with a Pregnant Wife

Post by nathan61 »

I guess it depends on how pregnant someone is, because when a family waltzes into their new school with a baby that wasn't previously disclosed, anyone who can do single digit subtraction is going to figure out how far along the pregnancy was at the time of accepting the job. It would be hilarious to say "jeez I was six months pregnant with my third child and didn't even know it! Oops" Of course people the world over hate cheating and lying, and they don't tend to forgive and forget these things, so it would be a terrible way to start a new life somewhere. Fortunately it all worked out for the OP.

PsyGuy
Posts: 9671
Joined: Wed Oct 12, 2011 9:51 am
Location: Northern Europe

Discussion

Post by PsyGuy »

This isnt about swearing an oath with your hand on some hallowed text and stating thy have only two children. Its whether an IS and its leadership have some right, privilege or entitlement to family composition. If they dont either because its not an issue of logistics or pragmatics nor one of value and ethics than no one need waltz in to anywhere with a baby or any child, its just none of the ISs business if the protections of the region afford it to be so.

Post Reply