currently separated

[YoPreachTeach]

Hi all,

I just interviewed for a job and they asked me about my current marriage status- separated- on my profile at SA. Sigh. How much of a liability does this make me for getting positions internationally? Does anyone have experience with this? Is it better to just say single when asked about this ? The fact is my spouse will NOT be coming with me and I don't have kids so...just curious if anyone had any similar issues / problems getting hired in certain areas of the world?

Thanks everyone

[sid]

Muddy situations are not helpful in a job search. Schools want clarity. “Separated” raises questions about whether your spouse will join you at some random point in the future (requiring the school to change your housing and benefits mid year), or whether you’re facing a rough emotional patch that could interfere with settling in, or whether you’ll go through a divorce and have to deal with legalities that could require you to leave the country (for court appearances, etc), or could go through a “wild oats” phase as some people do following a divorce. Not that any of that is guaranteed to happen, but questions are raised, and questions are not helpful to you.
Try to provide clarity. Put down “married” and make sure it’s prominent in your personal statement that your spouse is staying put for her career or to take care of family or whatever. Take the questions out of the equation.

[YoPreachTeach]

Thanks sid!

[PsyGuy]

I would generally concur with @Sid, separated just complicates the issues with a potential IS. Its a factor that might (from their POV) arise at any time, that effects the package and may have 'drama' issues.

I disagree with @Sid putting "married" on your application. You are far better off marketability wise putting 'single'. Your spouse isnt an issue your IS needs to be concerned about so dont make it an issue for them.

[whynot]

I think for clarity you shouldn't put married as people will be asking you about your spouse and you will probably end up having to invent responses, which is never good. This could get complicated (e.g when is your hubby coming to visit you? Oh, you must miss him so much...) and might also not be good for your frame of mind. Single provides clarity. Divorced also provides clarity (even if you're officially not, no-one needs to know the details) depending on how far along the separation process you are in your own head.

I think the deciding factor should be what you are most comfortable talking about emotionally.

Good luck. Hang in there.

[sid]

Sorry, I wasn’t clear. I meant to be clear and decisive, not specifically to say “married”.
Choose carefully, and provide clarification in your personal statement. Avoid outright lies- any straight up falsehood in your application can be grounds for termination. So if you do write “single”, explain in your personal statement that while you are technically married, you want the application and your employment to be treated as if you were single. Remember that most schools have clear policies about what must be provided for couples, which in some (particularly European) cases are enforceable by legally binding union agreements. So they need to know your real deal, and be given permission to treat you as single.

[PsyGuy]

I strongly disagree with @Sid, that would be a useless approach. You might as well mark separated and explain in your application/cover your marital situation. It will still be both problematic, and put the IS in the same position. Leadership and ISs always think they have a right to know whatever they want because they ask you, as if you have no right to privacy or to keep your personal business personal.

You can not compel an IS to treat your application in any particular way, they will categorize and process it the way the have deemed. If an IS is legally or contractually required by regulation or rule to treat you as a couple because of your marital status, than your permission means nothing, they are required to do what they are required to do, you can not waive such requirements or request they be modified or reclassified to be anything other than what you are. If you want to be treated as single you have to indicate to the IS and recruiter "single" in your application materials.

As for grounds for termination, any IS that is interested in keeping you will understand your position and why you interpreted your response the way you did. If the IS is trying to get rid of you, than it doesnt matter what grounds they claim are justified, they will do what they want.

[sid]

PG and I will always disagree on certain points, and whether to inform schools about certain circumstances will always be one of them. I'm a fan of disclosure and honesty from both sides. It helps everyone make the right decisions and avoid unpleasant surprises. So I'm not going to argue that point with him. Take the advice that makes sense to you.
As for waiving requirements, of course you can. That's the whole reason the word "waive" exists. You can waive all sorts of things, including waiving the privilege/expectation of receiving married benefits.
I'm leaving the discussion. I suspect this is about to downgrade into a silly fight, and I have no interest in such things.

[PsyGuy]

@Sid is also in leadership, and is one of those in leadership that believes disclosure and honesty means you have no right to privacy and must answer and tell leadership what ever they ask since even stating an IT is uncomfortable with a particular topic translates to the recruiter being "uncomfortable" offering you the appointment.

Just because the word waive exists doesnt mean its universally applicable. If a region has a minimum wage law you cant require an employee to "waive" it as a condition of employment to pay them less coin. If a region has a regulation that mandates an IS provide some benefit to a married employee they must treat the employee as married.