The International Teaching Life-style and Finding a Mate

[exnewyorker]

Just thought I would put this topic up for discussion because I thought it would be interesting to hear some opinions. It's a conversation I've had with single friends in the international teaching world. When you start thinking about wanting to share your life experiences with someone else and you are an international teacher always on the move, what do you do? Do you try to look for your next post in a place that you know would have a big international teaching and expat community (so you have "more selection" and better chance to meet someone)? Return to the U.S. so you have better odds to finally meet someone (but who most likely wouldn't share your lifestyle? Don't do anything different (choose any school you like) and leave it all up to chance? Of course none of these would necessarily guarantee anything but maybe your chances would be improved. I often joke that there should be a dating site just for international teachers (and other expats), though I'm not sure how that would really work! Don't worry, I'm not using this forum to make any major life decisions! Just thought it would be interesting to hear what others have to say on the topic and compare to what friends of mine have talked about.

[CaliPro]

Just take a job in Brazil or Colombia ;)

Thank me later.

[exnewyorker]

Does this advice apply to both males and females? ;)

[WonderingWhat]

I actually did set up a dating site for international school teachers 1.5 years ago. But shelved it after a month as I was too busy and it took a month to just get set up, choose a name and I never even got to the stage of getting it online. And it was costing me $200 US a month for the hosting and tech support. But I haven't given up on that idea.

Calipro - Why Colombia or Brazil? Lots of expats there?

[newchapter]

Someone just set up a FB page called International Single Teachers.

[SpedMaestro]

What is the point of traveling the world only to date other expats? I am guessing that you are a woman. As an expat man, I avoid other expats, particularly the women. It takes away from the experience. My advice is go local. Though I guess this depends on the area, Asia is pretty bad for expat women or so I've heard.

[exnewyorker]

SpedMaestro wrote:
> What is the point of traveling the world only to date other expats? I am
> guessing that you are a woman. As an expat man, I avoid other expats,
> particularly the women. It takes away from the experience. My advice is go
> local. Though I guess this depends on the area, Asia is pretty bad for
> expat women or so I've heard.

Well, that's part of what I was saying, some locations might be better for meeting locals, some might be better for meeting expats, some for both. Meeting a local could mean staying in that country for a long time or even (gasp!) forever. Finding another teacher would make the international teaching lifestyle of jumping from country to country still possible. Just thoughts . . .

[marieh]

SpedMaestro wrote:
> Asia is pretty bad for expat women or so I've heard.

Not at all! I've known lots of female teachers who met their significant others while working in Asia. Some us even ended up getting married.

[eion_padraig]

> What is the point of traveling the world only to date other expats?

Who said only? I dated locals, found the cultural expectations with those I dated to vary too widely from my own for my liking. I ended up meeting a teacher from a different country from my own. There are still some gaps, but nothing near as large as they were with locals.

I think there is a lot to consider regarding this issue and clearly one's personal goals and expectations are going to shape the choices one makes.

I've know a few teachers bemoan the difficulty of meeting people overseas who returned home to find it tough there, only to return overseas because they weren't any happier back home.

[Rye]

Guy who teaches next to me met his current girlfriend while in Hungary. She was a local teacher at the same school, and they had a fine time there for several years. They ended up traveling and teaching together at a few assignments before they came to the US, (where he is from). They have been here for three years and are already looking to go back international in a little while. Honestly I think it is all luck finding the right person, the biggest thing would be to keep an open mind. I hear that "love" thing just kind of comes out of nowhere!

[SpedMaestro]

marieh wrote:
> SpedMaestro wrote:
> > Asia is pretty bad for expat women or so I've heard.
>
> Not at all! I've known lots of female teachers who met their significant others while
> working in Asia. Some us even ended up getting married.

I didn't say it was impossible, just not the best odds. Western men tend to like Asian women, whereas Western women don't seem to like Asian men and visa-versa. Do the math...

[SpedMaestro]

eion_padraig wrote:
> > What is the point of traveling the world only to date other expats?
>
> Who said only? I dated locals, found the cultural expectations with those I dated to
> vary too widely from my own for my liking. I ended up meeting a teacher from a
> different country from my own. There are still some gaps, but nothing near as large
> as they were with locals.
>
> I think there is a lot to consider regarding this issue and clearly one's personal
> goals and expectations are going to shape the choices one makes.
>
> I've know a few teachers bemoan the difficulty of meeting people overseas who
> returned home to find it tough there, only to return overseas because they weren't
> any happier back home.

The typical teacher seems to live in an expat bubble,its annoying. If you can't put up with cultural differences in a mate, then why put yourself in a situation where there are only a few Western guys who are generally otherwise engaged?

[EUExplorer]

I agree that there are certain regions of the world and countries that are better for western males and some that are better for both genders in meeting other expats. I've always found it interesting that the same single females who are reasonably sought after for relationships in their home, western countries are sometimes ignored by the expat men in regions like Asia and Latin America. Some don't handle it well at all and are quite miserable to be around.

I also think Spedmaestro has a great point, though, about the expats who hang out in the "expat cocoon" while abroad. Seems like they are missing out on a lot. Then there are those expats who resent/dislike other expats (usually the single guys living it up) who enjoy having a life outside of work/the school and embrace the local culture.

[SpedMaestro]

^The dating market place is turned upside down outside of the U.S and the western world. In much of Asia, Eastern Europe or LatAm, a single male expat has more options than he knows what to do with. It's overwhelming at times.

For women teachers, its something to seriously consider. What's more important to you? Living in exotic locales or finding a life partner? In most expat destinations, the odds of the latter happening are stacked against you.

[chilagringa]

EUExplorer wrote:
> I agree that there are certain regions of the world and countries that are better
> for western males and some that are better for both genders in meeting other expats.
> I've always found it interesting that the same single females who are reasonably
> sought after for relationships in their home, western countries are sometimes ignored
> by the expat men in regions like Asia and Latin America. Some don't handle it well
> at all and are quite miserable to be around.


I've always gotten the impression that expat men and women do "equally well" in Latin America in terms of dating possibilities. Maybe they just don't date each other all that often? Which parts of the world do expats actually tend to date each other more often than locals?


> I also think Spedmaestro has a great point, though, about the expats who hang out
> in the "expat cocoon" while abroad. Seems like they are missing out on a lot. Then
> there are those expats who resent/dislike other expats (usually the single guys
> living it up) who enjoy having a life outside of work/the school and embrace the
> local culture.


I find the latter type of expat equally as annoying as the first. Never leaving the expat cocoon is silly, but so is passing up possible friendships with other expats because you only hang out with locals.