So after years of working toward our goals, we've finally accepted a job at a small IB school in Beijing. Both my husband and I are very excited about this. We've talked to a lot of the staff there, and we think it'll be a good experience and a great foot in the door.
Our families are... not so happy.
Not so happy to the point that we're being constantly told that we're making a huge mistake, that we're tearing apart our families, and that we're bad, wrong, and childish for not wanting to settle down in our own country and start producing grandchildren. They are mystified as to why we'd want to leave our country at all, "the greatest country in the world," to do anything that's not buying a house and popping out babies.
So, really, experienced overseas teachers, how do you deal with this? How do you deal with everyone telling you that what you're doing is a horrible, life destroying mistake? Do your families ever come around? Or do they remind you for years how you're ruining your lives? What do you do? How do you deal or cope? It's becoming increasingly hard to feel excited and happy about my decision when everyone around me is telling me that I'm doing it all wrong.
family pressure
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interteach
- Posts: 210
- Joined: Wed Nov 29, 2006 2:25 pm
My family was the same way. My dad told me I was "blowing up the nest", since we took our first overseas post when our youngest started college. I also had friends who couldn't understand why I would leave the "greatest country on earth." But, it's been a few years now, and though not everyone is thrilled that we signed on for another year, most have accepted that this is the lifestyle we want and enjoy. This year we even welcomed 8 or 9 visitors, who would never have traveled half way around the world if we weren't here. The kids have visited each year and love being able to travel. I think what has helped my family/friends the most is that we constantly keep in touch via, skype, MagicJack, Facebook, blogs etc.
Although I'm not overseas (yet), I know I will probably have to deal with this same situation with my in-laws. I'm sure the idea of being far from their grandchild will be heart-breaking for them and difficult to accept. My strategy at this point in how I can help them cope and hopefully understand, will be to put it in economic terms. As teachers, there is no way we will ever be able to save the same amount of money stateside as we would overseas. This is hard to argue with. And even though for my husband and I the benefits of moving abroad are much more than just the financial gains, I feel the need to explain our decision with something they can relate to.
When I first told my mom that I was moving to eastern Europe- she told me I was crazy and started a month long crusade to talk me out of it. Then, she decided to switch tactics and tell me how dangerous it was and ask me every time we talked if I was sure I really thought this through (because years of research wasn't enough thinking!). I told her I was going to go international in October... in February I accepted a position- she has only now begun to adjust to the idea- but it's still not real to her... so she still throws out the occasional "what happens if where you are going erupts like _____(insert random country name here) has?". She has accepted my need to 'march to a different drum' so to speak since I already moved across the country to accept a position in California three years ago- but the thought of me being on another continent scares her. And it wouldn't matter if it were Europe- I did a study abroad program in Germany and she thought I was nuts too. She likes staying where she grew up and doesn't understand at all. But we have gotten to the point where I've told her I'm going no matter what and she does accept that.
As for everyone else I know (other family and friends)- some are excited and some think I'm insane... but you'll never get 100% approval in anything you do. Do what makes you happy and go where you feel compelled to go- the people will slowly fall into place.
I'm sure that some parts of next year will be bad, but there will be good- like any place-and for the first few months, my conversations back home to my mom will only reflect the good :-).... that's what I learned when I first came out to Cali... haha. (Oh yeah- and my mom works in a school district, so she knows the financial side point and it's hard to argue the financial benefits of moving overseas given the mandatory furlough days and pay cuts happening around the country these days--- so that helps with her convincing)
As for everyone else I know (other family and friends)- some are excited and some think I'm insane... but you'll never get 100% approval in anything you do. Do what makes you happy and go where you feel compelled to go- the people will slowly fall into place.
I'm sure that some parts of next year will be bad, but there will be good- like any place-and for the first few months, my conversations back home to my mom will only reflect the good :-).... that's what I learned when I first came out to Cali... haha. (Oh yeah- and my mom works in a school district, so she knows the financial side point and it's hard to argue the financial benefits of moving overseas given the mandatory furlough days and pay cuts happening around the country these days--- so that helps with her convincing)
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insubordination
- Posts: 4
- Joined: Sun Jan 30, 2011 8:27 am
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wrldtrvlr123
- Posts: 1173
- Joined: Sat Feb 06, 2010 10:59 am
- Location: Japan
Congratulations! We've been in Beijing since August and really like it here (this is our third country).
Our parents weren't thrilled when we took our first overseas posts, especially as we were taking their only grandchild away from them. We had been talking about it for a few years but no one really took us seriously until we went to our first job fair.
They did have enough respect for us not to openly criticize us for our decision. They did what they thought was best for their family when they were younger and ultimately accepted that we were doing the same. Some will adjust, some will never understand why you could even think about leaving the US.
Accept that very little you do will impact how they think. Prepare for the adventure, stay positive, don't interact with the negativity and it will work itself out.
Our parents weren't thrilled when we took our first overseas posts, especially as we were taking their only grandchild away from them. We had been talking about it for a few years but no one really took us seriously until we went to our first job fair.
They did have enough respect for us not to openly criticize us for our decision. They did what they thought was best for their family when they were younger and ultimately accepted that we were doing the same. Some will adjust, some will never understand why you could even think about leaving the US.
Accept that very little you do will impact how they think. Prepare for the adventure, stay positive, don't interact with the negativity and it will work itself out.
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Tundra_Creature
- Posts: 17
- Joined: Tue Mar 15, 2011 9:34 am
That's really a shame that you don't have more support from your family! If anything, you'd think they'd be excited that they could visit you in a country that they may have not otherwise gone. I know that's how my family feels when I talk about wanting to teach overseas when I graduate. Though I do have a few friends who think I'm a bit crazy. I know when I did a student exchange in South Korea, some thought I was making the biggest mistake in my life. Of course, I returned safe and sound after and were all happy once they saw my photos and such things.
I think your family will come around once they realize that you're not going to get kidnapped by pirates or get your kidney's stolen that you'll be fine.
I think your family will come around once they realize that you're not going to get kidnapped by pirates or get your kidney's stolen that you'll be fine.
Family
I think insubordination put it perfectly: if one did listen to such people, then one would never do anything in life! On the family and grandchild issue, my wife and I finally had to have a sit down with our parents and bluntly say we weren't having children. In private, with my father in law, I basically asked him if he really thought a human life should be brought into the world just so he had something to do. It wasn't kind, but neither was constantly haranguing us about filling their needs instead of our own.
With our parents, we ultimately had to say that this was our life, and there was no way we were changing it. I left the U.S. ten years ago, and it wasn't until I had been abroad for about five years that my own parents came to accept it. In the end, the best thing to do is leave and start to live your own life, and just ignore the people who don't understand what you do, or why you do it.
With our parents, we ultimately had to say that this was our life, and there was no way we were changing it. I left the U.S. ten years ago, and it wasn't until I had been abroad for about five years that my own parents came to accept it. In the end, the best thing to do is leave and start to live your own life, and just ignore the people who don't understand what you do, or why you do it.
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Open Communication
- Posts: 117
- Joined: Thu Feb 25, 2010 3:53 am
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buffalofan
- Posts: 350
- Joined: Wed Jan 06, 2010 11:08 pm
Tell the truth. Tell them:
*You'd rather teach in a country where teachers are respected rather than made scapegoats for every problem in society.
*You'd rather teach in a country that doesn't spend billions bombing small oil-rich nations while at the same time claiming there is no more money to invest into public education.
*You'd rather teach in a place where housing is provided rather than get a mortgage for a vastly overpriced house which may leave you in debt for the next 30 - 50 years at best, or in negative equity at worst.
*You'd rather teach in a place that affords some opportunities for travel and adventure, instead of having a 'big day out' involve a trip to Costco and a crappy movie.
*You'd rather teach in a country where teachers are respected rather than made scapegoats for every problem in society.
*You'd rather teach in a country that doesn't spend billions bombing small oil-rich nations while at the same time claiming there is no more money to invest into public education.
*You'd rather teach in a place where housing is provided rather than get a mortgage for a vastly overpriced house which may leave you in debt for the next 30 - 50 years at best, or in negative equity at worst.
*You'd rather teach in a place that affords some opportunities for travel and adventure, instead of having a 'big day out' involve a trip to Costco and a crappy movie.
When my mother left the country to work overseas in the 50's her aunt told her that it would kill her mom. When my then girlfriend, now wife, decided to join me in Africa years later her father tried to forbid the trip. Guess what? It worked out for both families and we have loved being overseas. And blowing up the nest was the best thing we ever could have done for our sons when we went back overseas after a stint in American public schools.
Hang in there.
Hang in there.
It's funny
My family and friends do not understand how I could leave the comforts of the small town USA I was brought up in. However, they are the same people that are always in awe of what I experience and wish that they could enjoy the same things I get to experience. It takes a lot of guts to leave the comforts of the known and move into the unknown. You just have to accept that these people will never do that. It's scary as heck but you guys are definitely seem to be up for the challenge. Your family will be fine in Beijing. China is a great place for families. Most likely, your family will be impressed with the enrichment it provides for all of you! As far as when a crisis hits a country....who knows. If we did, we'd all avoid them (even in the USA). FYI-China blocks Facebook so have to pay for a proxy server to get it there.