Our daughter started uni and then covid hit and hard borders were in place in both the country she was in and the one we worked in. Lots and lots of video calls, useless but entertaining WhatsApp’s to make her (and us) smile, and helping with how to move house, set up new accounts, proofreading essays, commiserating over relationship breakdowns etc had to be done over the phone.

She very quickly found a few local ‘families’ of her friends who took the international orphan as she was called, under their wing - Christmas at Grandparents house, long weekends with the family at some camp ground, birthday dinners out with them etc. I’d really encourage international kids to remember that they had an international family abroad so there’s no reason why this has to be different at ‘home’ when they go to uni. Extended chosen family members are essential!

From our perspective as empty nesters, keeping busy and doing things both together and apart was essential to building conversations that didn’t relate to ‘I wonder how she is?’ and just enjoying time as a couple again. We have moved twice since, and have a box that is always labeled ‘the child’s room’. When she visits she goes through the memory box and thins out, takes some away with her, and adds some new things to it. ‘Her room’ becomes hers for the visit because it always has the same pictures up on the wall and memory box under the bed. Regardless what house we live in, this gives her a constant feeling of belonging and of having space with us when she wants it.

What would you do if you worked in a school and the new Head promised the earth to parents and then made it teachers fault when they can’t deliver? When the SLT join forces to bully anyone who does not instantly fall in line? When individuals are targetted and thrown under the bus in public meetings? When “everyone deserves equal respect”, but some are respected more than others? When they shout at people like they do the children to “sit down and listen to me when I’m talking to you” and instruct staff to respect their elders saying they know more about education simply because they are older, and therefore should not be questioned. When staff and students are encouraged to share their feedback and concerns, then belittled, undermined or threatened with being asked to leave for doing so? When nobody dares say anything the Head then says everyone is happy.

Would you stay and play the game of keeping your head lower than your colleagues’ and take comfort knowing that majority of staff and students feel the same way you do - dread at coming to school and fear of what might happen next?

Would you leave after one term and pretend the nightmare next happened and that you were taking a sabbatical?

Would you finish the academic year then break contract knowing that you could never get a decent reference from anyone on the SLT team?

The school is ok. Staff are hard working, students are disrespect when they are rebellious which they are becoming now, but the ineffective and toxic leadership style originating from the top is permeating through the leadership team and creating a very unhealthy working and studying environment.

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